Observations on quality time with my 84 year old father, day 26

• After my father spoke at my mom’s memorial, a casting agent said he should do commercials. His response? “Can she find me a literary agent?” How about being happy with a commercial agent? “I wouldn’t know what to do?” So, just listen to your agent! I can imagine what he’s thinking: “Listening? What’s that?” He seems to be rehearsing every time he gets on the phone. Today, while seeking senior housing, he put on a voice where his breath sounded halted as he explained to the other person on the line that he’s about to be evicted (not true) and has breathing issues (he thinks this will get him a place by the beach). He sounded infantile. NOW THAT’S ACTING!!!

• He seems to like multi-purpose tools, unknowingly making him a champion of green living and sustainability. For example:
o A back scratcher used to turn on an out of the way light switch
o A butter knife used to scratch his back
o Napkins used to pad his elbows on the hard kitchen table
o A television with volume so loud, that it can be used as a hair dryer
o Family members used to find a literary agent

Life’s just a two for the price of one bargain.

• According to my sister, he’s very particular about which emergency room he goes to. When he’s called my sister with a request to drive him to an ER on the other side of town, she’ll tell him, “I’ll take you to the closest one only. Otherwise, it’s not an emergency and you can go take the bus.” He says he likes the doctors more at certain hospitals but we suspect it’s because he has malpractice lawsuits pending at the closest hospital. Greed can be very inconvenient.

© Curt Weiss 2014