I Am the Coolest Man on Earth Pt 4

Out comes hair grease, a brush and a dryer. A scissor may have even appeared but that detail has been lost in the haze of the years. Clothes? Into the closet to see what Jerry has left. A shirt whose collar will of course be turned up. A flecked jacket fit as well. Pants? A pair of pink, high-waisted, peg-legged trousers appear. I peruse them and a few things stand out. First: the material is of a nature I have never felt. This wasn’t off the rack. I don’t know what it was but it seemed almost as if they were hand made. Second: the stain on the right leg. It was from an iron. Third: the tag. It said “SEX” and in smaller letters “London”. “Is that Malcom McLaren’s SEX shop” I asked? “Yep” said the blonde. “Sid gave them to Jerry.” “Sid Vicious? The Sid Vicious?” Affirmative. I was wearing the pants of rock and roll casualty, Punk Rock poster child and martyr Sid Vicious, from the McLaren/Westwood Sex shop, also worn by New York Doll Jerry Nolan. I had hit a rock and roll triple play. But, a man needs a good pair of shoes. My sneakers wouldn’t do. What’s in the closet? We pull out the most beat up, Cuban heels this side of Havana. For those unfamiliar with Cuban heels, they’re basically short Beatle boots. And for those unfamiliar with Beatle boots, you must be under forty.

A shoe brush, some spit and a rag….then a shoe horn are called for. Somehow I forced myself into the shoes and the ladies squeal with delight. Like Cinderella going to the ball I was transformed. I looked cooler and felt cooler. But was I cooler? Onto Club 57 to find out.

© Curt Weiss 2014